


Last Jest

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Background DICE (Dangan Ronpa), Bittersweet Ending, Future Fic, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Oma Kokichi-centric, One-Sided Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, Pining, Regret, Sad Oma Kokichi, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, and I didn't think I should tag it, even if it sucks I'm sorry :(, everyone other than kokichi is mainly just mentioned, i need a hug too please spare-, kokichi is a mess and i am too, nothing actually happens he just thinks about it, there's some kaimaki and amaguuji but it's implied, vent fic, watch me self projecting, y'all wanted a part two so here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25761706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Three years after graduating from Hope's Peak, Kokichi has many regrets.Ouma Kokichi was never memorable. He was never meant to be remembered.Or; a vent fic where I self project my feelings onto Kokichi, I'm sorry :(
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 149





	1. A Cruel Fate

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh not gonna lie this is honestly a vent fic because I'm just feeling super unmotivated and things are kinda e y'know

'Ultimate Supreme Leader.' What a joke.

Kokichi laughed to himself, leaning on the railing as he stared up at the sky. _“I wonder if Momota-chan has gotten any closer to becoming an astronaut. He’s probably still with Harukawa-chan, too.”_

After graduating Hope’s Peak, everyone had pretty much gone their separate ways. Still, despite that, they managed to plan gatherings every couple of months to make sure no one had up and died.

Of course, Kokichi never actually went to any of them. He never got an invitation, anyways (though he always ignored the fact that no one even knew where he was since he refused to speak to anyone since they left the campus). He was sure that no one had even noticed he was missing, and if they had, they would say something along the lines of ‘Thank god that little menace isn’t here.’

He felt tears beginning to pool in the corners of his eyes and quickly squeezed his arm, digging his nails into his skin until he used the pain to take control of his emotions again. Still, he couldn’t get rid of the ache that lingered in his chest.

“Stupid. Supreme Leaders aren’t weak and emotional. Get ahold of yourself…”

If someone asked him why he did this to himself, he wouldn’t know how to answer.

And they did. DICE was constantly asking about how he was, but he couldn’t find it in him to tell them the truth. God. He was such and awful leader—an awful _person_.

...The building is pretty high up. It would be so easy for his entire life to just… end. In one step. Gone.

But no, he wouldn’t force someone to go through the effort of cleaning his blood and brains from off of a sidewalk. He didn’t have the guts to do it, really.

Besides, he was leaving soon, so it wouldn’t matter. He would disappear without a trace, and just hope that everyone who had the misfortune of meeting him forgot all about him.

Ouma Kokichi was never memorable. He was never meant to be remembered.

Still, that ache in his chest wanted to be remembered _so badly_. He wanted to leave a mark on the world, whether that be by running a stupid prank organization or by living a nice life with a cute boy with long eyelashes, he just wanted to know he wasn’t here for nothing.

That stupidly cute boy with the long eyelashes, otherwise known as Detective Saihara Shuichi. Kokichi couldn’t help himself from checking in on his uncle’s agency every so often.

‘Every so often’ being at least once every two weeks.

He knew it wasn't healthy, though he just couldn't stop himself. It was like a strange addiction that he just had to keep checking, to make sure both Shuichi and his uncle were doing alright.

He often wondered if Shuichi thought about him. Those thoughts didn’t last long before a certain smiling blonde classmate popped back into mind and he smiled bitterly.

God, he was twenty-three now. He should be over some stupid crush he got from highschool, using his talent to help improve the world to the best of his ability. He shouldn’t be sitting around, just waiting for each day to pass by like something different would happen.

_“Ouma-kun… What are you talking about?”_

_“Hm? Whaddya mean, Saihara-chan?”_

_“Gonta told me what you said. What do mean we ‘won’t see you anymore?’”_

_“It means exactly what it sounds like! We won’t have any reason to see each other once we graduate from this place!”_

_“Well… I guess not, but we should all still keep in touch with each other.”_

_“...You’re all a real pain, you know that?”_

_“W-What?”_

_“For the past three years, everyone has always told me to just stop lying already, and when you’re finally going to get away from my lies, you want me to stay? Would you make up your damn mind already?”_

_“Ouma-kun… We—I don’t want you to just.._ leave _. We’re.. friends, aren’t we?”_

_“Supreme Leaders don’t have time for friends, Saihara-chan.”_

One of his last conversations with Shuichi and it had gone to shit. Oh, wait, just like every other time he tried talking to someone. Amen to childhood trauma for completely obliterating any chance of making friends _ever_!

But that wasn’t true. He had DICE. He had nine amazing, interesting people who he called his own family.

So _why_ did he want more? More than to just be some stupid kid who never learned to grow up and spends all of his time doing stupid, _useless_ shit? He felt so _guilty_ for it—how was he supposed to tell his family that he wanted another one? That basically, they weren’t enough for him.

He didn’t. He _wouldn’t_ . Instead, he slapped on a smile every morning and lied, and lied, and _lied_ until he wasn’t completely sure what was true anymore. Sometimes he had to calm his mind and think about what he knew to be true so that didn’t fall apart on him, too.

Those thoughts always just led to his old classmates, could-have-been friends who weren’t because he was too scared of commitment and pushed everyone away while wishing someone would just push back and _understand_ him.

Amami Rantaro, an older brother figure who was just super chill to be around. He didn’t usually mind his pranks, and always did that stupid thing ruffling his hair. He had recently found some of his sisters, and was probably traveling the world searching for the others at that very moment. He was proud of him. There were times where he wondered if Rantaro ever looked at his sisters and though about him like his little brother, though it was doubtful.

Akamatsu Kaede, an overall optimistic and bright person who honestly got on his nerves. Maybe it was just stupid jealously, or envy. What was there to not like about her? She was pretty, average intelligence, musically talented. She was a leader and could bring out the good in people. Still, every time he thought about her he couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose and feel his gut churn. She was doing well, at least—going to large venues and playing her songs. He couldn’t deny that her music was enchanting, in a way.

Hoshi Ryoma, the fallen tennis pro who had gotten his jam back. He was getting back into tournaments, showing off his talent to the world and helping prove that with a bit of hope, even the most depressed and broken people can make a comeback. In all honestly, Kokichi was just glad to know he wasn’t dead yet with all the suicidal talk he had throughout highschool. Ryoma deserved to live.

Tojo Kirumi, a productive and patient woman who was devoted to handling any task given to her. He missed calling her mom and eating her food. Recently she had managed to score a job with the Prime Minister, and that was sure to leave her in the history books. No matter what people reduced her to, whether it be a fill-in mom or a maid, she truly was an amazing individual.

Yonaga Angie, lowkey a cult activist with her religious talk, though incredibly skilled nonetheless. Sometimes he would hang out with her, even if it was just because he was bored and needed someone to bug. Just before their graduation, she had gifted Kokichi a portrait of a certain someone, claiming that ‘Atua’ had told her to do so. He locked it at the bottom of a chest with other nick nacks and objects holding memories from highschool that he just couldn’t find it in himself to throw out.

Chabashira Tenko, a strong fighter who had gradually chilled out on her talk about ‘degenerate’ males. Her Neo-Aikido was even beginning to get a following, so at least some people would be able to protect themselves if necessary. She could be a pretty good teacher if she tried. No matter how distracted she could get from a beautiful girl, she had amazing strictness such as monitoring the number of candies she consumed in a single day.

Shinguuji Korekiyo, honestly creeped him out a lot, though over the course of three years had gotten better. He even took off his mask sometimes, and Kokichi was pretty sure that he was traveling with Rantaro to visit different cultures. He had never talked much with Korekiyo, though he can still vividly remember the one time where he said he would ‘rip out his nerves.’ That had been scary.

Iruma Miu, local bitch, whore, and cumdumpster who was actually really intelligent and talented. She was honestly quite fun to be around most of the time, and her inventions were outstanding. She could actually follow directions quite well if you gave her a thorough blueprint and explanation of what you wanted. Of course, that always came with a price, though it was never something he couldn’t find a loophole to. The inventions he had her make for him were also locked away in that chest, never to be looked at again.

Gokuhara Gonta, one who could only be described as a sweetheart and gentlemen who wanted nothing but the best for others. He had tried to convince Kokichi that even he was a part of that, though he only succeeded in pissing him off. Like anyone could actually care about _him_ … It made him laugh. As much as he hated bugs—the creepy, crawling, disgusting creatures—Gonta had somehow managed to make him less scared of them. Not that he would ever admit he was scared of them in the first place. What kind of Supreme Leader is scared of bugs?

Momota Kaito, self-proclaimed ‘Luminary of the Stars’ and a dumbass. Kaito had always pissed him off too, especially with how he went around calling people his ‘sidekicks.’ Having them do work and then taking the glory for it—a hero-complex if he’s ever seen one. He was strong, and really smart if you looked close enough under all the gel spiking up that stupid hair of his. You couldn’t be a complete dumbass to become an astronaut, could you? Maybe he was just jealous of Kaito, too. They were alike, but so, _so_ different.

Iidabashi Kiibo, literally a robot. With as much as he made fun of Kiibo, he couldn’t deny that he truly was a good… person? Sure. He was gullible and stupid, but also a really good friend and helpful given the right situation. Though… of course, Kokichi didn’t have the luxury of calling him his friend. He still never got the answer as to whether or not he has a dick, though.

Shirogane Tsumugi, overall a plain person, though she still had her talents. Sometimes he shivered, remembering what it had been like when she practically forced him to cosplay some characters from whatever stupid anime. It was _terrifying_. She was rather good at sewing and planning, though, and sometimes she fell on borderline creepy. He occasionally missed the strange banter between them.

Harukawa Maki, definitely someone who got on his nerves. An assassin who got all blushy over some dumbass who doesn’t even wear a jacket properly. He wasn’t very much better, though at least he could hide it. When he thought about people who hated him, she was often the first to come to mind. If the slight bruising he still had around his neck was anything to account for, it was that. Maybe part of the reason they disliked each other so much was because they were also similar, though in ways that just rubbed the wrong way.

Yumeno Himiko, a ‘mage’ who did regular stage tricks. She wasn’t anything special, though it could be endearing in a way, knowing that she kept up her shtick of being a magical wizard for the sake of trying to make children smile. It was always fun stealing her hat and teasing her for being a few inches shorter than him. It wasn’t fun when Tenko body slammed him to the ground because of it, though.

And lastly, the one who spent the most time occupying his thoughts… Saihara Shuichi. The good looking, intelligent, kind, soft spoken, anxious kid who grew confidence with the long eyelashes and golden eyes. It was his own fault for getting attached, really. With as many hints he dropped ranging from light teasing and flirting to full out calling him ‘beloved’ and saying ‘I love you,’ he could only come to the conclusion that he just simply was not interested. And that was fine, because it was the cold, hard truth, and even he couldn’t lie his way out of that.

Of course, it had to be stupid Shuichi who tried reaching out to him the most, attempting to unravel his tangled web of lies which he was stuck deep inside which led to him developing these stupid feelings for him. It had to be stupid Shuichi, coming back time and time again to play along with his stupid games. It had to be stupid Shuichi who sat in the dining hall drinking tea with him, and it had to be stupid Shuichi who rushed off to grab a first aid kit and clumsily tend to a small cut on his finger from playing that stupid knife game.

Kokichi raised his hand up to the moonlight, puffing out air from his nose in a half-suppressed laugh. How cruel fate was. His left ring finger, almost like by wrapping it in a bandage he was returning his proclamation of love.

Three years wasted. Three years he could have spent creating bonds and becoming friends with those close to him, though he had just let it waste away.

He swiftly left the rooftop before his thoughts could go any deeper into his self loathing.

Tomorrow, with one last stunt as a final goodbye from the kid known as Ouma Kokichi, he would be gone.

And no one would remember him in the slightest.


	2. Final Jest?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay you guys wanted a part two so here it is, I apologize in advance that it's not the best :>

This was it. It was fine, he had everything planned, and there was  _ no way _ this would fail. It would be Ouma Kokichi’s final goodbye to the world before he went… wherever. He’d figure that out later.

He crouched by the entrance, waiting in the shadows. He had everything set up, so he just had to wait… He checked his watch.  _ 6:57. _ Three minutes. 

Hope’s Peak, the place where it all started. He felt a bit bad for disappearing on DICE out of nowhere, but if he was lucky they hadn’t even realized he was gone yet.  _ 6:58. _

Hell, if anything, everyone was just going to be confused on what was going on. That was good, though. No one would know the meaning behind it, or who did it.  _ 6:59. _

Maybe he’d get a news article or two about it. It wouldn’t say it was him by name, obviously, though still, maybe that would be the small mark he leaves on the world.  _ 7:00. _

His watch beeped, and he immediately jumped out, flourishing his cape as he lit off the silent fireworks. They were bright colors and went quite far into the air, so even without the noise it would draw attention. He followed by scattering the walkway with horse plushies he’d filled with a grape panta and a ton of candy, hoping that maybe he would be able to brighten a child’s day with the unexpected treat.

_ “And in three, two, one..!” _ The confetti cannons shot off, and he tossed two handfuls of dice to the his sides, pulling a string and releasing the large quantity of white, black, and purple balloons he’d hooked up, allowing them to fly up into the sky with the last lights of the day. He smirked as a crowd gathered, flaunting his cape and adjusting his hat. He twirled around, covering himself from view with his cape and pulling off his mask, setting it down by the entrance before running to the side, jumping into an alleyway and going through his escape route.

Although it was bittersweet, it managed to make him smile at the adrenaline it brought him, as well as the awed expression he’d managed to catch on one of the smaller kids near the front. He pulled off his hat, crouching down and grabbing the backpack he’d stored there earlier, preparing to take off his cape and—

“Ouma-kun! Please, wait!” It was the sound of the voice itself which made him freeze, feeling like someone had just sucker punched him in the gut. The hurried footsteps grew louder, until something latched onto his wrist and there was heavy breathing, the person trying to catch their breath from running, he supposed.

“O-Ouma-kun… I.. I-It’s been so long…” Hesitantly, Kokichi looked up, mouth gaping open slightly. Shuichi smiled sadly, still trying to catch his breath. Somehow he had managed to become even  _ better _ looking than he already had been, and he’d grown a couple of inches… He forced a smile, shoving away those stupid thoughts.

“Hey, Saihara-chan..! Funny seeing you here!” Shuichi frowned, his expression holding concern which Kokichi knew he didn’t deserve and shouldn’t be directed at him.

“Where have you been..? You just..  _ disappeared _ , and no one has been able to talk to you since we’ve graduated.” Kokichi’s face fell blank, and his eyes dull.

“...I’m leaving, Saihara-chan.” Shuichi seemed genuinely worried at that, his grasp on Kokichi’s wrist tightening ever so slightly.

“What?”

“I’m leaving. No one will have to have the misfortune of ever seeing my face again!” He grinned, though it slowly faded, facing away from Shuichi as his voice fell quiet. “At least I… wasn’t boring, right?” Shuichi fell silent, and Kokichi was just waiting for him to let him go or tell him he was the most boring person he’d ever met—

“No… No, you can’t leave.” Before Kokichi could question what he was talking about, he was brought into a tight embrace, Shuichi holding onto him like he would run at the first given opportunity.

“S-Saihara-chan?”

“DICE called me, Ouma-kun. They told me you disappeared and took most of your stuff, and that you would probably be pulling a big stunt.” Kokichi stood there, unsure of what to do. His arms awkwardly half-hugged Shuichi in return, wanting to clutch onto his embrace, though not wanting to drive him away. “As soon as I saw the fireworks, I just- I just  _ knew _ it was you, a-and I had to chase after you..” Kokichi swallowed dryly, his voice just barely a whisper.

“W-Why..?”

“Today is the third anniversary of our graduation. I thought that you may have been planning one giant thing before disappearing again, b-but I just  _ prayed _ that I was wrong because.. I didn’t want you to leave again for good.” Shuichi pulled back, placing his hands on Kokichi’s shoulders and meeting his eyes. “For the past year and a half, I’ve been calling DICE to check in on you and make sure you were doing okay.” Kokichi couldn’t sense anything that would suggest he was lying, and it made him angry.

“What?”

“They called the detective agency first and asked if I knew you, and then told me what had been happening. You’d stopped eating as much, and a lot of the time you went to the roof at night. Sometimes you wouldn’t plan heists for weeks, then you’d go and do three in a single week.” He frowned. “I knew I couldn’t really help, so I just asked them to keep me updated.” Shuichi pulled his hands away, taking a breath like he was psyching himself for something.

“We didn’t know where you were so we couldn’t send any invitation to the gatherings. But, since it’s the third anniversary, there’s one tonight, so…” Shuichi reached out his hand a shy and nervous smile on his face. “Would you like to come? I won’t force you, but everyone has missed you.”

“Supreme Leaders.. don’t have time for stupid reunions.”

“Maybe not,” Shuichi continued to hold out his hand, a hopeful look shining in his eyes. “...but you’re not just a Supreme Leader. You’re Ouma Kokichi, a person. And Ouma-kun has time for stupid reunions and friends, doesn’t he?” Kokichi’s breath hitched in his throat, mouth open and trying to respond, though just closing as he furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Shuichi’s outstretched hand.

He reached out to accept the hand extended to him. Maybe this time he would try not to push him away so much…

After all, he can lie about a lot of things, but he can’t hide the warmth of his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this sounded so much better in my head I completely foiled the execution of it ;^;


End file.
